:: بازدید از این مطلب : 1122

|

امتیاز مطلب : 2

|

تعداد امتیازدهندگان : 1

|

مجموع امتیاز : 1

:: بازدید از این مطلب : 1120

|

امتیاز مطلب : 0

|

تعداد امتیازدهندگان : 0

|

مجموع امتیاز : 0

مهمترین موضوع زندگی

اين متن ارزش خوندن داره   همه ما خودمان را چنين متقاعد می كنيم كه زندگی بهتری خواهيم داشت اگر: شغلمان را تغيير دهيم مهاجرت كنيم با افراد تازه ای آشنا شويم ازدواج كنيم   فكر ميكنيم،‌ زندگی بهتر خواهد شد اگر: ترفيع بگيريم اقامت بگيريم با افراد بيشتری آشنا شويم بچه دار شويم   و خسته می شويم وقتی: می بينيم رييسمان نمی فهمد زبان مشترك نداريم همديگر را نمی فهميم می‌بينيم كودكانمان به توجه مداوم نيازمندند بهتر است صبر كنيم ...

:: بازدید از این مطلب : 1341

|

امتیاز مطلب : 0

|

تعداد امتیازدهندگان : 0

|

مجموع امتیاز : 0

:: بازدید از این مطلب : 1096

|

امتیاز مطلب : 5

|

تعداد امتیازدهندگان : 1

|

مجموع امتیاز : 1

منابع کنکور کارشناسی ارشد آموزش زبان انگلیسی

Suggested sources for MA Entrance Examination

Methodology

1. Brown (2007). Principles of Language Learning & Language Teaching (Blue book)

2. Richards J.C. (2001). Approaches & Methods in Language Teaching

3. Chastain, K. (1988). Developing Second Language Skills Theory & Practice

4. Larsen-Freeman, D. (2000). Techniques & Principles in Language Teaching

5. Brown. H.D. (2001). Teaching by Principles (Red Book)

6. Richards, J.C. (2003). Dictionary of Language Teaching & Applied Linguistics

7. Farhady, H. (2002). MA Entrance Examination in TEFL with Explanatory

Answers.(Rahnama Publication)(Science & Technology University)

8

:: بازدید از این مطلب : 1542

|

امتیاز مطلب : 0

|

تعداد امتیازدهندگان : 0

|

مجموع امتیاز : 0

Strategies for TOEFL iBT Listening Section

 

TOEFL iBT Listening section is delivered immediately after the Reading section. The Listening section of TOEFL iBT measures your ability to understand spoken English in academic settings. In TOEFL iBT the listening is done for 3 major purposes:

1. Listening for basic comprehension.
2. Listening for pragmatic understanding.
3. To connect and combine ideas presented in multiple information sources.

Each part of the Listening section (2 or 3 parts) consists of 1 long conversation and two lectures. The test takers hear each lecture or conversation only once. Lectures and conversations are 3-5 minutes long. During the listening the time is not running. The allotted time of 10 minutes for each part is only for answering the questions.

Preparation Strategies

Listen to spoken English from multiple sources as much as possible. Listen to English spoken movies and English spoken TV channels, listen to the radio and as many other listening sources as you may find. It would be better if your passages are academic or close to what is in TOEFL iBT. The more you practice listening, the better listener you will become.

Listen for the main idea. It is usually found at the beginning of the listening passages, while the details are dispersed throughout the lecture. The main idea will give you understanding of what the conversation/lecture is about. Then you may listen for details.

Learn to find how the ideas are presented in the listening passage. Some of the main relations between ideas include cause/effect, compare/contrast, and steps in a process.

Learn to listen for signal words that indicate different part of the passage - introduction, major steps, examples, conclusions, etc.

Build your vocabulary. While listening, try to guess the meaning of unfamiliar words from context. It is very important since there is a big chance to come across words you don't know at the real test. Then, you should guess their meaning. Write down every word you don't know and include it in your wordlist. Try to memorize it and use it in your speaking and writing. Flashcards could be a great way to improve your vocabulary.

Listen to conversations or lectures with variety of accents. In TOEFL iBT Listening section there is a variety of accents and pronunciations. For this reason, you should practice listening to a people with different accents and pronunciation patterns.

Practice note-taking. Note-taking is allowed during all sections of TOEFL iBT. Effective note-taking may highly improve your performance. It is almost impossible to memorize all clues and details provided in the Listening section. Moreover, you can hear the passages ONLY ONCE. Therefore, to answer the questions you have to rely on what you remember from the passage and your notes. See also our Effective Note-Taking Strategies.

Summarize in writing what you have heard, using your notes. Thus, you will learn to find the purpose and main idea of the listening, and also the most important details. You will also learn to take and use notes. It also helps in improving your writing skills.

Familiarize yourself with the type of questions in TOEFL iBT. Make sure that during the preparation you learn what answers are required by the different types of question. Some questions may ask you to provide two answers, others to click in a chart box. If you are familiar with the question types, you may save important time.

At the exam strategies

Forget about the Reading section. Now it is time to fully concentrate on the Listening section.

The clock is ticking only when you are answering the questions and not when you are listening to the passages. So, when you listen, forget about the clock.

Prepare for note-taking. Before the section starts, write down the words 'main idea', 'major points', and 'important details'. Under which word you will place your notes from the listening passage.

Do not be distracted by the speaker's accent, speaking style and delivery. Focus on the content and flow of information the speaker(s) deliver.

Listen to find clues that will help you understand what the speaker's purpose, attitude and degree of certainty is. Listen for words that show relationship between ideas.

Pay attention to the visual materials. Some of the visual materials in the Listening section bring important information. Blackboards show important words or phrases that are discussed during the lecture. Illustrations and graphics support the information presented in the lecture. They are available only when the lecturer refers to them.

Answering is different. In the Listening section you may not return to the previous questions to correct your answers. Nevertheless, you have to confirm twice that you want to move to the next question. First, when you provide your answer you have to press the NEXT button. After pressing the NEXT button you may alter you answer. To move to the next question you have to press OK button. Sometimes test takers forget this and lose important time. Please, set your mind that you have to press two buttons.

Take a guess. There is no penalty for an incorrect answer in TOEFL iBT. It doesn't bring any points. If you see you are running out of time, just take a guess and mark answers for all remaining questions. There is 25 % chance to guess the right answer.

Email:mousavimehdi31@yahoo.com

Gmail:s.m.mousavi51@gmail.com

:: بازدید از این مطلب : 1782

|

امتیاز مطلب : 5

|

تعداد امتیازدهندگان : 1

|

مجموع امتیاز : 1

Happy New Year!

:: بازدید از این مطلب : 1240

|

امتیاز مطلب : 2

|

تعداد امتیازدهندگان : 1

|

مجموع امتیاز : 1

Next Generation iBT TOEFL® Test: FAQs

Click on a link to jump to that section:

1. Just how different is the Next Generation iBT version of the TOEFL® Test?
2. When and where will the iBT be given?
3. What does it take to prepare for the iBT?
4. How should preparation time for the iBT be divided between the book and the CD-ROM?
5. Can responses be written on paper?
6. Can paper be used during the iBT?
7. How does the Speaking section function on the iBT?
8. How does the Speaking section function on the Longman iBT CD-ROM?
9. How are the Writing and Speaking sections graded?
10. How is the iBT scored?
11. Can iBT scores be compared to paper and CBT scores?

1. Just how different is the Next Generation iBT version of the TOEFL® Test?
The Next Generation iBT is quite different from the paper and CBT versions of the TOEFL® Test. Some things are quite similar, but there are quite a few major differences. First of all, there is no longer a Structure section on the test, and a new Speaking section has been added in its place. Then, there are integrated tasks, tasks that test several language skills together; a test-taker may need to, for example, read a passage and take notes on it, listen to a passage and take notes on it, and then write or speak about the ideas in the two passages. Finally, there are new kinds of passages and questions on the iBT; the passages are longer and more difficult, and the new questions test higher-level skills. Overall, the iBT is quite a change from earlier versions of the TOEFL® Test. See the article "The Next Generation iBT: A Really New TOEFL® Test!" in this website for further information on the test.

2. When and where will the iBT be given?
ETS (Educational Testing Service) has announced that the Next Generation iBT will be introduced at different times in various parts of the world. The iBT is scheduled to start in September 2005 throughout the United States and in October 2005 throughout Canada and in parts of Europe (Germany, Italy, and France). It is scheduled to begin in the rest of the world sometime in 2006. See the ETS website at www.TOEFL.org for information on when the iBT will be introduced in specific areas of the world.

3. What does it take to prepare for the iBT?
Preparation for the Next Generation iBT requires a lot of different components. It requires lots of language skills, some academic skills, test-taking strategies, realistic test practice on the computer, and good basic computer skills.

4. How should preparation time for the iBT be divided between the book and the CD-ROM?
Even though the Next Generation iBT is given on a computer, much of the preparation time for the test should be spent in the classroom using the book rather than in the computer lab using the CD-ROM; it is certainly not necessary to have students at computer terminals for all of their TOEFL® Test prep classtime.

In the classroom, the teacher can use the book to introduce and practice the language and academic skills tested on the iBT, introduce and practice the new question-types, familiarize students with appropriate test-taking strategies, and familiarize students with scoring and evaluation prior to their sessions on the computer.

Then, when students are on computers, they can review the language and academic skills studied in class, work with each of the question-types they already know how to answer, try out the suggested strategies, work with computer clicking sequences and timing, practice writing essays and speaking on the computer, and evaluate their writing and speaking tasks.

5. Can responses be written on paper?
The short answer to this question is "no." Written responses must be typed on the computer. On the CBT, it is possible to choose whether to write responses on paper or on the computer. On the iBT, however, there is no choice. Responses must be written on the computer.

It is important to note that the word processing program that is used on the iBT is very basic; it is most likely much simpler than any word processing program that test-takers are accustomed to using. The iBT word processing program uses only three buttons (Cut, Paste, and Undo), and keyboard commands do not function in the program. It is important to practice inputting written responses into a program that functions like the iBT (such as the Longman CD-ROM) so that the very basic iBT word processing program will be familiar on the day of the test.

6. Can paper be used during the iBT?
The answer to this quesion is "yes." This is a very big difference from the paper and CBT versions of the TOEFL® Test, where no paper was allowed during the test. On the iBT, the test-taker can use paper during the test to take notes, and this is something that is very important to do. It is important to take notes on the key points of the passages in the Listening section and in the integrated tasks in the Speaking and Writing sections.

Even though test-takers may use paper during the test, they may not bring any paper into the test center and may not take any paper out of the test center. Paper will be given to test-takers at the beginning of the test and will be collected from them at the end of the test. (Any notes taken during the test will NOT be seen by graders and will NOT be part of the TOEFL® Test score.)

7. How does the Speaking section function on the iBT?
During the Next Generation iBT, test-takers will wear headphones with microphones that allow the test-takers to hear the listening material and to record their spoken responses; these headphones are also supposed to block out any noise as other test-takers are speaking during the test. In the Speaking section, test-takers will read material on their computer screens and listen to recorded material through their headphones and then speak into their microphones to record their reponses. Their responses will then be e-mailed to graders working at computers throughout the world.

8. How does the Speaking section function on the Longman iBT CD-ROM?
On the Longman iBT CD-ROM the speaking tasks function as closely as possible to the speaking tasks on the actual test. Students can record thir spoken responses on the computer and play them back to evaluate them; students can also save their responses on floppy disks to turn in to the teacher. It is also possible to use cassette recorders to record responses; the cassettes can then be brought to class for peer or group evaluation or turned in to the teacher.

9. How are the Writing and Speaking sections graded?
Writing and Speaking are graded by people rather than by computer. Spoken and written responses on the test are saved electronically and then e-mailed to graders around the world.

Each spoken and written response is evaluated by two different graders. This means that one test-taker's written responses will be evaluated by four different graders (two different graders for each of the two writing tasks) and his or her spoken responses will be evaluated by twelve different graders (two different graders for each of the six speaking tasks).

Spoken and written responses are evaluated based on different criteria. Written responses are given scores ranging from 0 to 5, while spoken responses are given scores ranging from 0 to 4.

10. How is the iBT scored?
The top score on the Next Generation iBT is 120. Each section (Reading, Listening, Speaking, Writing) is given a scaled score from 0 to 30, and the four section scores are added together to determine the overall score on the iBT.

11. Can iBT scores be compared to paper and CBT scores?
The skills tested on the Next Generation iBT are very different from those tested on the paper or CBT versions of the TOEFL® Test, so comparisons between scores on the different versions of the TOEFL® Test are not really valid. However, ETS has released some information on how the scores on the different versions of the TOEFL® test can be compared.

Paper		CBT		iBT
350		63		20
400		97		32
450		133		45
500		173		61
550		213		80
600		250		100
650		280		115

:: بازدید از این مطلب : 1474

|

امتیاز مطلب : 5

|

تعداد امتیازدهندگان : 1

|

مجموع امتیاز : 1

40 New Practice Topics for iBT TOEFL Speaking Part 1

Here is a list of 40 new topics that you might find useful if you are preparing for Part 1 of the iBT TOEFL Speaking section. These are all Independent topics of the "open choice" / personal experience or opinion type.

1. Who is your best friend? Describe this person and say why he/she is your best friend.

2. What is your favorite place to visit on weekends? Describe it and explain why it is your favorite place to go.

 

:: بازدید از این مطلب : 1317

|

امتیاز مطلب : 17

|

تعداد امتیازدهندگان : 4

|

مجموع امتیاز : 4

The Paragraph

The Outline

1. A paragraph is a series of sentences developing one topic.

The paragraph deals with one subject according to a definite plan with sentences that follow one another clearly and smoothly.

2. A paragraph contains a topic sentence.

The main idea of the paragraph is expressed in the topic sentence. Place the topic sentence at or near the beginning of the paragraph.

3. Develop the topic sentence.

Develop the paragraph by giving additional detailed information in support of the idea expressed in the topic sentence.

A. Facts

B. Examples

C. Incident

D. Arguments

E. Compare & Contrast

F. Definition

G. Combination of methods

:: بازدید از این مطلب : 1142

|

امتیاز مطلب : 21

|

تعداد امتیازدهندگان : 5

|

مجموع امتیاز : 5

21 Keys to a Happy Life

Source Unknown

1.     Watch a sunrise.

2.     Be the first to say "Hello."

3.     Live beneath your means.

4.     Treat everyone as you want to be treated.

5.     Never give up on anybody; miracles happen.

6.      Compliment three people every day.

7.     Forget the Jones’s.

8.     Remember someone’s name.

9.     Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage.

10.Be tough-minded, but tender hearted.  

11.Be kinder than you have to be.

12.Don’t forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

13.Keep your promises.

14.Learn to show cheerfulness even when you don’t feel it.

15.Remember that overnight success usually takes 15 years.

16.Leave everything better than you found it.

17.Remember that winners do what losers don’t want to do.

18.When you arrive at your job in the morning, let the first thing you say brighten everyone’s day.

19.Don’t rain on other people’s parades.

20.Don’t waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

21.Keep some things to yourself and don’t promote havoc by backstabbing people you love.

:: موضوعات مرتبط: Quote , ,
:: بازدید از این مطلب : 1070

|

امتیاز مطلب : 20

|

تعداد امتیازدهندگان : 4

|

مجموع امتیاز : 4

---

Q: What are two things people never eat before breakfast?
A: Lunch and supper.

---

Q: Why did the man throw a bucket of water out the window?
A: He wanted to see the waterfall.

Q: Why did the man throw the butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see the butterfly.

Q: Why did the man put the clock in the safe?
A: He wanted to save time.

---

Q: What has two hands and a face, but no arms and legs?
A: A clock.

Q: What has a neck, but no head?
A: A bottle.

Q: Where is the ocean the deepest?
A: On the bottom.

---

Q: Why did the man throw his watch out of the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
Submitted by Chris from Australia

---

Q: What State in the United States is High in the middle and round at the ends?
A: Ohio.
Submitted by Jesus Macario

 

---

Q: "There were some twins. One was twenty, the other was twenty 2. One married the other. How can be this ?"
A: "One was twenty, the other twenty too. One was a priest so he married the other"
PS: These sentences must be asked orally .Pronunciation is important. (too = 2)
Submitted by Zekih.

 

---

Q: How do you spell mousetrap?
A: C-A-T.
Submitted by Mumblia

---

This one should be spoken.
Q: How many legs does an ant have?
A: Two, the same as an uncle.
(HINT: ant = aunt)
Submitted by C. Berry

 

---

Q: How many people are buried in that cemetery?
A: All of them.

---

Q: What can't be used until it's broken?
A: An egg.

---

Q: What do tigers have that no other animals have?
A: Baby tigers.

---

Q: What is Black and white and read (red) all over?
A: A newspaper
Submitted by: Ashley

---

Q: Why is number six afraid ?
A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)
Submitted by MR Engelsman

---

Q: How do you know when a motorcycle policeman is happy?
A: He has bugs on his teeth!
Submitted by Judy Snoke

---

Q: What did zero say to eight?
A: Nice belt.
(The 8 looks like a 0 with a belt around its waist.)
Submitted by Charlotte and Francis

---

Q: What did number 1 say to 7?
A: Nice hair
Submitted by Submitted by Michael

---

In the alphabet...

Q: Which is the most self-centered letter of the alphabet?
A: "i" (I)

Q: Which letter is always trying to find reasons?
"y" (Why?")
Submitted by: Melina Gasser- Argentina

---

Q: Which letter is not me?
A: U.
Submitted by: Hamed Mohamed

---

Q: What letter can do the work in one day that you can do in two days?
A: W (Double u- Double you)

Q: Why don't we need a compass at the North Pole?
A: Because every direction is south.
Submitted by Cüneyt ARAS

---

Q: Why is the A like a flower?
A: Because the B is after it.
Submitted by Angelika Pichler

---

Why is the letter "A" like noon?
Because it's in the middle of the day.
Submitted by Motoko Hashimoto

---

Q: "What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?"
A: "The C"
Submitted by Susana P. Varona

 

---

Q: "What letter of the alphabet is always waiting in order?"
A: "The Q. (queue)
Submitted by José Mª Pérez

 

---

Q: What has two heads, four eyes, six legs and a tail?
A: A horse and its rider.

---

Q: What is as big as a horse but doesn't weigh anything?
A: The horse's shadow.

---

Q. Why was the hearse horse hoarse?
A. Because of the coffin
Submitted by Ciaran P. McCarthy

---

Q: Why are man with pierced ears better suited for marriage?
Q: Because they have suffered and bought jewelry.

---

Q: What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?
A: A teapot.

---

Q: Do you know why birds fly to south in the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk there.
Submitted by Yang

---

Q: Why do birds fly south in the fall?
A: Because it's too far to walk!
Submitted by Michèle Larouche

---

Q: Which letters do Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday have in common?
A: None! None of them have "c", "o","m" or "n" in them.
Submitted by Paulo José L. do Amaral

---

I tried this one with Japanese university students. They understood all the words and enjoyed it.

Q: What are the 3 important rings in life?
A: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering.

---

Q: Which room has no doors, no windows.
A: A mushroom.
Submitted by LUZ

---

Q: What gets wetter as it dries?
A: A towel

---

Q: A man rode into town on Tuesday. Two days later he rode home on Tuesday. How is this possible?
A: His horse's name is Tuesday.

---

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A: He didn't have anybody to take. (any BODY)
Submitted by Toni Allen (from daughter)

---

Q: A father and his son were in a car accident. The father died. The son was taken to the hospital. The doctor came in and said: I can't do surgery on him, because he's my son. Who was the doctor?
A: The doctor was his mother.

It's an old riddle that is more difficult in some countries than in others.

---

Q: Why did the student take a ladder to school?
A: Because he/she was going to high school!

Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Beacuse it saw the salad dressing!
Submitted by: Dave Williams

---

Q: What are the two strongest days of the week?
A: They are Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weak (week) days.
Submitted by both Motoko Hashimoto & Alfredo Bilopolsky

 

---

Q: How far can a dog run into the forest?
A: Halfway, after that he is running out of the forest.
Submitted by: Rabi'a

---

Q: What do you call a bear without an "ear"?
A: BBBBBBB
Submitted by: Drew Bassett

---

Q: Which is faster, heat or cold?
A: Heat, because you can catch a cold.

---

A: How many apples can you eat if your stomach is empty?
B: 4 or 5
A: No, that's wrong, because after eating one apple your stomach isn't empty.
Submitted by: Mirali

---

If you are doing a discussion about space, then students will like this one.

Q: Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?
A: To find Pluto.
Submitted by: Elisa-SN Argentina

---

Q: What is the differnce between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother?
A: One is Moscow, the other is a cow's Ma.
(It needs to be spoken to understand it.)

---

Q: What do you call a Spaniard who can't find his car?
A: Carlos
It's pronounced "carless" (meaning without a car)
Submitted by Laurence Whiteside

 

---

Q: What's the difference between electricity and lightening?
A: You don't have to pay for lightening.

---

This riddle may be used when teaching a lesson on occupations.

Q: What's the difference between a TEACHER and a CONDUCTOR ?
A: A teacher TRAINS the MIND and a conductor MINDS the TRAIN.
Submitted by: Tania Mello (Sao Paulo, Brazil)

---

Q: What part of your body disappears when you stand up?
A: Your lap. (good for phrasal 'stand up', and 'laptop', lap-dog, etc.)
Submitted by: Richard

 

---

Q: What do you call a witch at the beach?
A: A sandwich.
Submitted by Tinour

 

---

Q: Why did the trafic signal turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street.
Submitted by: Drew Hinds

---

Q: What's the difference between a lion with toothache and a wet day?
A: One's roaring with pain the other's pouring with rain
Submitted by: Eileen Dwyer

---

Q: Why are baseball stadiums so cool?
A: There is a fan in every seat.

---

My Spanish-speaking students got a kick out of this one.

Q: What do you call a person who speaks 3 languages?
A: (Try to elicit responses..) Tri-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks two languages?
A: (Many of them know this one) Bi-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks one language?
A: An American!
Submitted by: Sarah

---

Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
A: Fsh.
(Hint: No "eye" = No "i")
Submitted by: Kristi Swarbrick, Edmonton, AB, Canada

---

Q: What has thirteen hearts but no body and no soul?
A: A pack of playing cards.

Q: What do you call a fish that only cares about himself?
A: Selfish.
Submitted by Cüneyt Aras, Turkey

---

Q: Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher?
A: Because the teacher was Hayden.
(Hayden --> Hidin' --> Hiding)
Submitted by Sheila S. and Judy R.

---

Q. What's a minimum?
A. A very small mother!
(mini-mom)
Submitted by Thierry A.

---

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired (too tired)
Submitted by Shir Noy

---

Q: What do you get if you cross a pig with a karate fighter?
A: Pork chops.

---

Q: What's got a head and a tail, but no body?
A: A coin.

Q: What's got a wave but no sea?
A: My hair.
Submitted by Nadia, age 7

---

Q: What has three feet but no legs or arms?
A: A yard.
Submitted by Dobbin Pelagius

---

Q: Where does a boxer who weighs 135 kilograms sit on a bus?
A: Wherever he wants to.
Submitted by François Falardeau

---

What makes "oom" and gives milk?
A cow walking backwards.
Submitted by Fernando

 

---

Q: What does a man say when he walks into a bar?
A: Ouch!
Submitted by Miguel M. Llop Díaz-Cano

---

Q: Where does Dracula stay when he goes to New York City?
A: The Vampire State building.

Q: What do cows like to read?
A: The mooooospaper

Q: What is the longest word?
A: Smiles, because there is a mile between the first and last s.
Submitted by Guillermo Flores Grajales - Mexico City ESL teacher.

---

Re-worded by another teacher.
Q: What's the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (Because there's a mile between the first and the last letter.)

---

A: What is the word that everybody always says wrong?
B: "Wrong".
Submitted by Qin Honghuai

---

Q: What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
A: Short
Submitted by Kevin Schoepp

---

A: What's the longest word in the dictionary?
B; Rubber-band -- because it streches.
Submitted by Christopher Berry

---

Q. How many seconds are there in one year?
A. Twelve. January second, February second, March second...
Submitted by Mark A. Cole

 

---

Q. What two days of the week start with the letter "T"?
A. Tuesday and Thursday? NO, today and tomorrow!
Submitted by Mark A. Cole

 

---

Q: What did the doughnut say to the loaf of bread?
A: If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn't be hanging around this hole.
Submitted by M.Pampush

---

Q: Why did the pony have a sore throat?
A: Because it was a little horse. (hoarse)

---

Q: What did the undertaker die of?
A: Coughin' (coffin)

---

Q: Why can't a nose be twelve inches?
A: Because then it would be a foot.

---

Q: How do porcupines kiss each other?
A: Very carefully.

---

Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.

---

Q: What has teeth but can't bite?
A: A Comb.

---

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.

---

Q. Why did the turkey cross the road?
A. Because the chicken was on vacation.
Submitted by Linda Edgerton

 

---

Q. Why did the baby cross the road?
A. Because it was stapled to the chicken.

---

Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide!

---

A: Why did the chewing-gum cross the road?
B: Because it was stuck to the chickens foot.
Submitted by Christopher Berry

---

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show the possum it could be done.
Submitted by Alex McLean

---

Q: Why do people call their own language their mother tongue?
A: Because their fathers seldom get a chance to use it.

NOTE: For this to be funny, students need to understand that in many cultures women have the image of speaking so much that their husbands seldom have a chance to say anything.

---

Q: A big moron and a little moron are walking across a bridge when the big moron falls off. Why didn't the little moron fall off?
A: He was a little more on.
Submitted by Kevin Schoepp

 

---

Q: Name one eight letter word that has kst in the middle, in the beginning, and at the end.
A: "Inkstand", "in" is at the beginning, "kst" is in the middle, and "and" is at the end.
Submitted by Kevin Schoepp

---

Q: When does a dialect become a language?
A: When its speakers get an army and a navy.

---

Q: What is a Honeymoon Salad?
A: Lettuce alone without any dressing.
Submitted by David Henry

 

---

Q: Why is it impossible to starve in the desert?
A: Because of all the sandwiches (sand which is) there.
Submitted by Shad Schroeder

---

Q: Why don't sharks eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny.
Submitted by maggie

---

Q: What would the pig say when its tailed was held tight by the farmer who had a sharp knife in his other hand?
A: "That's the end of me!"
Submitted by Jing Wen of San Francisco

---

Q: Do you know where people send a horse when it is sick?
A: To a horsepital.

Q: What did the doctor say when the invisible man called to make an appointment?
A: Tell him I can't see him today.
Submitted by Genivaldo Rodrigues Sobrinho

---

Q: Which 'BUS' could cross the ocean?
A: Columbus!
Submitted by Kusuma from Thailand

---

Q: What a bee says when it gets in the hive?
A: Hi Honey! I'm home!
Submitted by Bianca Lévesque -ESL Teacher , Montreal - Canada

---

Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut !
Submitted by Mark Grable

---

A: Why did the boy balloon chase the girl balloon?
Q: Because he wanted to see her bust!

---

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: fsh (No letter "i", so no i's.)

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No idea. (No eye deer)

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
A: Still no idea.

---

Q: Where do cows go for entertainment?
A: They go to the mooovies!

---

Q: What animal is it that has four legs a tail and flies?
A: A dead horse!

A: What is the difference between a mail box and an elephant?
B: I don't know.
A: I'm not going to give you any letters to post then!
Submitted by Leda Giménez de Comba , from Argentina

---

Q: What do you call 'a fly' without wings?
A: You call it 'a walk.'
Submitted by Makaron

---

I saw this on a web-site of musician jokes. It's not original, but I thought I would share it. Here it is:

Q: What's the difference between a musician and a savings bond?
A: A savings bond eventually matures and earns money.
Submitted by James Wilson, Mt. San Antonio College

---

Q: What color is a guitar string?
A: Plink!
(It is the sound the a guitar makes. The word sounds like the color "pink.")
Submitted by Submitted by V. Ellison

---

What goes "ZUB, ZUB"?
A bee flying backwards.(Buz,Buz)
Submitted by Jozef Karpat

---

(After teaching about telling time)
Teacher: What time is it?
Students: Umm, eight fifty-nine?
Teacher: Nope.
Students: About nine o'clock?
Teacher: No.
Students: What then?
Teacher: It's time to go home.
Submitted by Kier Bass

---

Q: What did one light bulb say to another light bulb?
A: You are the light of my life.
Submitted by brenda "la chuca"

---

Q: Why did the golfer take and extra pair of pants for his Saturday round of golf?
A: In case he got a hole in one.
Submitted by Leah Davis

---

Q. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers?
A. In case he got a hole in one!
Submitted by Lesley Morgan

---

Q: What flowers have two lips?
A: Tulips

Q: They travel all over the world but end up in the corner, what are they?
A: Stamps
Submitted by Takya, Malaysia.

---

Q: Why didn't the farmer cry when his dairy cow fell off the cliff?
A: There's no use crying over split milk.
Submitted by Alfred Vincent

 

---

Q: Ten copycats were sitting in a boat, and one jumped out. How many were left?
A: None. They were all copycats.

Q: What is the difference between a jeweler and a jailor?
A: A jeweler sells watches. A jailer watches cells.
Submitted by Cristina Toso

---

Q: What is a bachelor?
A: A man who never Mrs. (misses) anyone.
Submitted by C. Berry

---

Q: Why do cows have bells?
A: Because their horns don't work.
Submitted by Barbara Koehler

---

This one may be difficult for some ESL students since it requires knowing the words "seagul", "bay" and "bagel"

Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!
Submitted by Corey Palmer, Lemoore, CA

---

Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and an English textbook?
A: You take off your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.

---

Q: How do you get ten English teachers to agree on the best teaching method?
A: Shoot nine of them.
(Use as an example of the insult variety of jokes.)

---

Q: Why were the little drops of ink crying?
A: Their mother was in the pen and they did not know how long her sentence would be.
Submitted by Walter Lowe, aka "Anonymouse"

---

Q: How many sheep does it take to make one wool sweater?
A: I didn't even know sheep could knit!

Q: What's a teacher's favorite nation?
A: Expla-nation.

Q: What's the most colorful state of U.S.A.?
A: Color-ado.
Submitted by Jeanine Padilha,Brazil

---

Q: In what state does it cost the most to live in?
A: Expennsylvania.
Submitted by Mike McKinney

---

Q: What did the cannibal who was late for dinner get?
A: The cold shoulder.
Submitted by Sean

---

A Christmas time joke for grammar classes:
Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
Submitted by: Mike

---

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: Why bother, he won't come anyway.

---

Q: How do you top a car?
A: Tep on the brake, tupid!
Submitted by Sandra Duncan

---

Q: Is there a word in the English language that uses all the vowels including "y" ?
A: Unquestionablely!
Submitted by lisa

---

Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk.
Submitted by Kevin Long

 

---

Vocabulary Quiz:
Q: What is the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (There is a mile between the first letter and the last letter.)

Information Quiz:
Q: What is the tallest building in our town?
A: The library. (It has the most stories.)
Submitted by Walter Lowe, aka "Anonymouse"

---

Q: If you are Russian before you enter the bathroom and Finnish after you leave the bathroom, what are you when you are in the bathroom?

A: European.  (You're a-peein'.)
Submitted by Cara Thompson (from my step-daughters)

---

This riddle may be good for high-level science majors.

Q: What do you call a test tube that graduates from high school?
A: A graduated cylinder
Submitted by Margaret Elliott

---

Here is a good riddle to demonstrate the battle-between-the-sexes kind of jokes.

Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!
Submitted by: Robert

---

Q: How did Jonah feel after he got swallowed by a fish?
A: Down in the mouth.

Q: What did the monk say to the hotdog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.
Submitted by Jason Schulte

---

Maybe only appropriate for more mature students.

Q: What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
A: Dam!
Submitted by: DuMars

---

Q: A man was locked in a room with only a bed, a calendar, and a piano. How did he drink, how did he eat, and how did he get out? Another man was locked in a room with only a mirror and a table. How did he get out? A third man was locked in an empty room. How did he escape?

A: The first man drank from the springs of the bed, ate the dates off the calendar and played the piano until he found the right key, which he used to unlock the door. The second man looked in the mirror to see what he saw. Then he took the saw and cut the table in half. Next, he put the two halves together to make a whole. Finally, he crawled out through the hole. The third man broke out with the measles.
Submitted by Walter Lowe, aka "Anonymouse"

---

Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick!
Submitted by Moira Dykes, Cambridge

---

Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.
Submitted by: Zeinab Eltayb

:: بازدید از این مطلب : 1335

|

امتیاز مطلب : 16

|

تعداد امتیازدهندگان : 4

|

مجموع امتیاز : 4